You have followed all the Spoken Rules of Getting Promoted:
Here’s the bad news: If you only listen to the spoken (or written) rules and are unaware it is actually the Unspoken Rules of how to get promoted that determine what it really takes to get promoted in your company, you may be passed up (again) for the next opportunity to advance your career. Click here to get the inside scoop you need to get promoted in 2014 over at ManagingAmericans.com.
What is Unspoken Rule #1 in your company and how did you discover it?
The words you choose as a leader, or in any position of influence, shape the identity of others and as a result their decisions and actions. Successful business owners and senior managers, are able to communicate in a way that is authentic and inspiring, not only shaping positive results, but also creating an environment where employees feel satisfied, happy and excited to come to work each day. This article is written for senior leaders who happen to be women. However, my executive coaching clients who are of the male persuasion tell me they (sometimes secretly) find this advice extraordinarily relevant and helpful when it comes to being a successful, Sustainable Leader.
It’s common knowledge in business what is required in order to be considered a “strong leader” or “respected boss”, however leaders who are women find the ingredients to be a successful leader somewhat, ok extraordinarily, hypocritical.
Do any of these Rules You Need to Follow To Be a Respected Leader sound familiar? If you have ever followed them mindlessly, no worries, because what’s admitted here stays here, okay?
“Leave your feelings at the door when you come to work …”
“Don’t let them see you sweat …”
“Strong men are authoritative. Strong men are respected. You need to act like a man to get respect around here. Oh, and by the way, when you act like a “strong man” you will be called a b***h!”
Wait, keep following these rules and it will get worse, not better …
Did I mention the stress you will feel as a result of pretending or faking it … “acting as if” how you are showing up is who you really are and is in alignment with what you believe you need to be…to be successful?
Unfortunately, when you pretend to feel one way and act another, you will quickly be perceived by others as distant, inauthentic and untrustworthy. Probably not what you are going for … Find out how to break the rules with professionalism and be an authentic woman leader: Read more over at ManagingAmericans.com[sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]
Congratulations on your new position! Your climb to the top is well deserved. But when the shine wears off, you soon may be faced with a HUGE problem for which you were not prepared:
Your biggest challenge is not mastering the technical aspects of your job. That’s the easy part.
The biggest challenge you (and one you may find you have the least control over which has the biggest impact on your success) is your team’s ability to work together with ease.
Because people bring their stress, negativity and sometimes difficult personalities to work, they can’t just leave their emotions at the door when they come to work.
And, you can’t do it either. Emotions are contagious!
#1: Emotions are contagious! Literally. The human brain contains “mirror neurons” which are like antennae for emotion (e-motion = energy in motion).
Strategy #1: When you find the person you are talking to beginning to get “stressed out” (i.e., holding their breath, raising their voice, tensing their jaw or fists) ….
When you are truly listening to the other person and get a response you were not going for or are surprised about (their frustration, for example), use the steps above to “Check in and check it out…” Then, listen again to their response (what they thought they heard you say will not be what you meant). Don’t see this as your opportunity to get angry, just take a “re-do” and say, “Okay, you heard me say (blah blah blah), can I say it differently?” Asking permission seldom gets a “no” so you will likely get a “yes.” Then rephrase your statement and move forward.
What is your best advice to new senior managers when it comes to turning conflict into consensus?
Your ability to address, manage and eliminate conflict will have a direct impact on your team’s ability to have confidence and to put their unquestioned trust you and your leadership skills.
And a few might even be taking bets on how long you last … You need these skills.
Click the link below for more information (and the first 20 fast action takers get extra bonuses and audios!)
To Your Sustainable Leadership!
PS. Post your comments and best advice below for newly hired or recently promoted senior managers who are experiencing an undercurrent of conflict in their new team[sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]
It was interesting to see the negative, almost painful in some cases, visceral reaction so many people had when remembering their worst boss.
Congratulations on your promotion (or maybe you are in line for one) … but don’t celebrate too soon. Did you know almost 50% of newly promoted or newly hired executives get fired or quit before within the first 18 months on the job?
The expectations are high (yours and theirs) and yet there’s so much you don’t know about the people, the culture and the “unspoken rules.”
On top of that, you must get up to speed quickly so you can hit the ground running and feel satisfied at the end of the day.
You’re invited to see the webinar replay now available through June 17th:
Discover the pitfalls you need to avoid and understand the critical strategies new leaders must practice to eliminate “leadership stress” and earn the trust of your new team … so you don’t end up a statistic.
Here are just two of the biggest mistakes new leaders make:
Pitfall #1: Failure to understand why change (even “good” change) is hard and most change initiatives fall flat (and this includes your presence, even if your predecessor was a miserable manager). Hint: Small change over a period of time leads to lasting, long term change. Scale down a change initiative into an “experiment” in one department or with one small group first, instead of rolling it out company wide and crossing your fingers it takes hold.
Pitfall #2: Believing that understanding the problem alone is enough to make change happen. Don’t fall into the trap of “over-analysis” or worse, who’s to blame for the problem. Ask better questions to find solutions and take action as soon as possible. “What is good about this problem?” and “What is not perfect yet?” are just two of the five questions teams need to feel creative and take decisive steps to action.
(The bottom line is you’ll want to have these tools to accelerate your leadership effectiveness for the long haul, too.)
Questions? Comments? Advice for new leaders? Post your thoughts below!
“The Neuroscience of Leadership Stress: Myths & Solutions for Busy Professionals, Managers & Executives”
“What Your Brain Wishes You Knew About Leadership Stress & 5 Simple Solutions to Successfully Do More With Less & Have Fun Doing It!”
We all experience stress and to a certain degree need it to be motivated into action. Left unchecked, even low levels of chronic stress will not only reduce your ability to solve problems and make decisions, your stress will reduce your team’s productivity and engagement. Click here to listen to the webinar replay (available for a limited time only):
Are you an emerging leader or newly promoted leader looking for a goal-setting strategy to make lasting, positive changes in your interpersonal or communication skills? Originally posted on Lead Change Blog
How many times have you promised yourself you’ll exercise today, start your diet tomorrow, finish writing that marketing plan by Friday (okay, that’s mine), only to “run out of time” and fail to keep your promise to yourself? All too often.
Now, how often do you make a business appointment with a client and fail to show up? Probably never.
Why is it we are willing to fail to follow through with commitments we make to ourselves, yet never in a million years would we “no show” for an appointment with a client or friend?
Here are two reasons: we are accountable to someone else and we want to avoid feeling embarrassed (or some other negative emotion). Accountability means we have some skin in the game … which can come in several different forms.
If money matters you will further increase the likelihood you will set and achieve your goals when you have a financial skin in the game. I have a business-coaching client who was required to improve his mental capacity, problem solving ability and focus to succeed in his next stage of business growth. However, he failed to follow through with an action step for three consecutive weeks. So we got creative and leveraged what was important to him … cold hard cash. Because of his financial and relational sense of responsibility, he never missed a coaching appointment with me, so he wrote me a check for his regular coaching session fee of $500.00. He said, “If I do this by next Tuesday, you give me back my check at our next session. If I don’t, no matter what the excuse, you cash the check and donate it to a local charity of your choice.” Another quality of his was he was very honest, however I could also verify whether he followed through or not.
What do you think happened? Right. He attended his class for several weeks in a row and now is in the routine. He also asked if I would keep the check in my file so he could keep it as a motivator to get other “someday goals” started.
Step #2: Announce publicly what you are working on and your specific plans to improve. In the next post, you’ll discover the secret of why this is the most important step.
If you aren’t yet ready to pick up the megaphone and make the public announcement, find a mentor, good friend or executive coach you can trust who will be honest with you yet who does not have anything to gain or lose by your action (or inaction).
Who will you ask to hold your feet to the fire? Contact me today to see if you are ready to take this next step.
Post your comments below (only if you have the courage to announce it publicly!)
What will it look like when you have skin in the game?
Stay tuned for the “how to” for Step #3: ACT[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]
Answer: Two frogs.
Why? The same reason only 3% of the population set and actually achieve their goals or maintain positive, well-intentioned change in the first place. The frog missed three critical steps of Achieving his Goal: Ask, Announce, Act (and Ask again).
The frog understood WHY it was a good idea to jump off, because he was an intelligent, high achieving, upwardly mobile frog. He understood there were more opportunities and freedom if he left the comfort of the log. While the frog understood why, and although he did decide … he didn’t take action.
What about accountability and following up? Perhaps if the first frog told the second frog he was going to jump off, he would have followed through on his promise and lived happily ever after. Does this story sound familiar? Whoops, wrong story. That’s enough about frogs …Now let’s make the story relevant.
Leaders: Which skills are more critical to your success strategic skills or soft skills?
“Almost 50% of newly hired or newly promoted leaders quit or get fired before their 18 month anniversary …” (Hint: The majority of failure is not a result of lack of business savvy or technical skills, but a lack of interpersonal or communication skills.)
… and another statistic:
“The divorce rate in the US is around 50% …” As a marriage counselor for 14 years, I will also bet the reason is the same … lack of effective communication skills by one or both people.
Question: Which is easier for you to achieve: your company’s strategic goals or your soft skills or interpersonal goals? “What are ‘personal development goals’ and why would I, Mr. or Ms. Super Successful CEO need them?” you ask?
Because you don’t want to be a statistic.
By lack of interpersonal or soft skills I mean the inability to manage your emotions. You, who growl and snap when your assistant forgets an important detail about a meeting. You, the exhausted Senior VP who feels like you start your day in a 5K jog and feel like you’ve run a marathon by the time 8 pm rolls around. You, the up and coming leader who promised your son you’d get home in time to see him play baseball and you missed it again. Yes, you, the human part of the executive equation.
What difference will it make when you have mastered the higher level communication and relationship skills that prevent these conflicts? You understand why personal skill development is important, may have decided to make a change, but are you ready to take action and jump off of the log?
What if you had a simple, 3 step strategy to make lasting, positive changes in your actions, your communication style or your interpersonal skills as easily as you develop and achieve your strategic company objectives for 2012? I said it was simple, I didn’t say it would be easy …
AAA: The Triple Threat Solution … 3 Simple Steps: Ask, Announce & Act (Repeat)
Step #1: Ask. Ask others what they see you can improve upon. After all, perception is reality and their perception of how you communicate rather than your perception of how you communicate matters most.
Step #2: Announce. Tell people what you are working on. This not only holds you more accountable for change, it also subconsciously invites people to look for and more likely notice the positive change you will be making.
Step #3: Act. Just do it. Look for opportunities to interrupt an old pattern. Try taking a few deep breaths next time you feel tense going into a meeting (holding our breath triggers Lizard Brain). Instead of saying “No” immediately to an idea proposed in a project meeting, take a moment and respond “Interesting, let’s consider that idea.”
Then, repeat #1: Ask. Remind others of what you are working on and then check in and ask “How am I doing?” Where are you inviting them to focus? Right. On what you are changing, because otherwise, people may not notice, allowing the negative things you say or do to stand out more automatically.
So, what are your waiting for? Jump!
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Is the use of coaching to develop leaders or high potential managers into leadership roles just a passing fad or here to stay? If it’s here to stay, wouldn’t it be more effective for coaches to teach managers and leaders how to coach or to develop a coaching style of management and leadership than for a coach to “coach one leader or manager at a time?” Developing a sustainable leader would include “teaching him to fish” rather than “fishing for him” in my opinion. What are your thoughts on the topic of the efficacy of leadership coaching in organizations?