Did you know that 47% of newly hired or recently promoted Senior Executives get fired or quit within the first 18 months on the job? But I”m not a Senior Executive or “Leader” … you say. Why would you let that stop you from learning from their mistakes?
Why? One reason is poor performance, another is burn up and burn out caused by the stress from the inability to get onboard with the “human side” of the success equation fast enough: Connecting and building trust with your new team!
Not just any stress is the culprit … Power Stress*, a unique type of stress experienced by those who are responsible for the well being of others – your team, your employees and possibly even your clients.
Unrecognized and unresolved stress Power Stress will paralyze your ability to think quickly and use your intuition to make the right decisions? Because stress is contagious, your team suffers, too … especially when you need then the most!
If you are a newly hired or recently promoted leader building trust with your new team is essential for success in your new role.
Beware … awareness is overrated!
If you don’t have an executable accountability plan for WHAT, WHEN & HOW TO you could find that the fall down the corporate ladder is much swifter than the climb up …
What if you had a 3 Step Approach to Leverage Power Stress so you can reduce, manage and yes, even leverage the inevitable people challenges that come with your new position …
If you don’t yet have an executable plan for making lasting change – make one. To qualify for a complimentary, no obligation Leadership Strategy Session click here.
To Your Sustainable Leadership!
P.S. Now booking for 2014 for keynote or meeting presentations. Contact Christina to inquire about her most popular presentations or to book your event today: 3 Steps to Leverage Stress for Leadership Success!
The words you choose as a leader, or in any position of influence, shape the identity of others and as a result their decisions and actions. Successful business owners and senior managers, are able to communicate in a way that is authentic and inspiring, not only shaping positive results, but also creating an environment where employees feel satisfied, happy and excited to come to work each day. This article is written for senior leaders who happen to be women. However, my executive coaching clients who are of the male persuasion tell me they (sometimes secretly) find this advice extraordinarily relevant and helpful when it comes to being a successful, Sustainable Leader.
It’s common knowledge in business what is required in order to be considered a “strong leader” or “respected boss”, however leaders who are women find the ingredients to be a successful leader somewhat, ok extraordinarily, hypocritical.
Do any of these Rules You Need to Follow To Be a Respected Leader sound familiar? If you have ever followed them mindlessly, no worries, because what’s admitted here stays here, okay?
“Leave your feelings at the door when you come to work …”
“Don’t let them see you sweat …”
“Strong men are authoritative. Strong men are respected. You need to act like a man to get respect around here. Oh, and by the way, when you act like a “strong man” you will be called a b***h!”
Wait, keep following these rules and it will get worse, not better …
Did I mention the stress you will feel as a result of pretending or faking it … “acting as if” how you are showing up is who you really are and is in alignment with what you believe you need to be…to be successful?
Unfortunately, when you pretend to feel one way and act another, you will quickly be perceived by others as distant, inauthentic and untrustworthy. Probably not what you are going for … Find out how to break the rules with professionalism and be an authentic woman leader: Read more over at ManagingAmericans.com[sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]
My first opportunity to consciously stand up for my professional and philosophical beliefs about Professional Intimacy occurred in 1994. In the last year of my Master’s program, my thesis involved research on the process of creating a successful business partnership.
Using Appreciative Inquiry, our process resulted in a model of a synergistic triangle consisting of three equally key ingredients, where 1 + 1 = 3 (I was never good at math, but this makes sense … read on):
In the early 1990′s the unspoken, unwritten rule in the business world was “Don’t Talk About Relationships, feelings or any of the soft, fluffy stuff humans were made of when delivering leadership or management training or when speaking to businesses, managers or executive leaders about improving productivity or performance. I was directed to leave that stuff at the door and talk about “real” skills. Don’t feel … just get to work!
I followed this advice for a while and felt my hands (and credibility) were tied behind my back.
Then I ignoring that advice. After 12 years in business, our design resulted in not only building our own successful business and partnership, but also served as a model for our clients to build sustainable partnerships.
Through the process of developing Professional Intimacy as defined in my thesis in 1994 and even to this day, I continued to learn and grow both intra-personally and inter-personally as a result.
The truth is this: We learn and grow in relationship, not in isolation. Following the old rule and disregarding the complex and dynamic relationship systems we create through all of our relationships, however brief, is ridiculous.
Here’s the point: My thesis was nominated for publication in the college journal … an honor, for sure. However, the committee stated it would only be considered for publication only if I changed the title.
They objected to the phrase I used to symbolize our design for a successful business partnership: Professional Intimacy.
Because sexual harassment in the workplace was such a touchy (pun intended) topic in the early 90′s, the committee frowned upon my use of the phrase in the title. I stood my ground on principle because even though the rule was “Don’t talk about RELATIONSHIPS and WORK in the same sentence.” I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) in good conscience back down. Besides, I have a strong oppositional reflex.
I ran across the dusty, bound thesis years later and wondered …
“Did I do the right thing in standing up for my values?”
“Would my career path have changed had I decided to belly up?”
“Would I have been able to help more people sooner?”
I suppose I’ll never know… What would you have done?
PS. Check out Chapter 19: “Professional Intimacy: The key to being a Sustainable Leader” in the book “The Character Based Leader: Instigating a leadership revolution one person at a time” on Amazon or your favorite bookseller.
Great Bosses & Horrible Bosses
For just a moment, remember your favorite boss. You know, the one you said
you would follow anywhere if he or she ever left the company. The boss for whom you came in early and stayed late for to meet a promised project deadline. How would you describe his or her overall mood? How did you feel when you were working for him or her?
Now, remember the boss you would never work for again in a million years. The boss you worked really hard to avoid being in the same room with for longer than necessary. The boss you had when hiding under your desk or in your closet was not beneath you. How would you describe his or her overall mood? How did you feel when you were around him or her?
Surprised? Probably not. Now, here’s the tough question:
If I walked in the front door of your office or showed up at your next team meeting, how would I describe the mood of the people who work for you?
Neural Wi-Fi: Peas & the Interpersonal Neurobiology of Leadership
Pretend for a moment you are spoon feeding peas to a baby sitting in a high chair. What do you do? As you are putting the spoon to her lips, what do you subconsciously do with your mouth (whether you like smooshed peas or not) … You got it, you OPEN your mouth and make an aaahhhh sound, in a sometimes desperate attempt to get her to do the same. Why? It works most of the time. Instinct. Mirror neurons.
The truth is, recent research in brain science proves that for humans (and I’ll add chimps and horses), emotions are actually contagious because of mirror neurons. The short explanation is mirror neurons in our brains are responsible for our “catching” the mood of other people without realizing it. Add to that fascinating fact that our brains are prediction machines and constantly are making connections to predict the future based on our past experiences. Your grumpy boss could be in a good mood on Friday, however your brain won’t realize it and will automatically predict (or believe), he’s his usually grumpy self.
E-motion = Energy in Motion
Why does this matter for leaders, bosses or other people of influence? If you can believe that your mood is reflected in the mood of your team, you may or may not like what you see in the “mirror.”
What? … So What?… NOW WHAT?
While you may read this and understand or you are reading it for the first time and think Wow! that makes sense, what’s the “So What?” Understanding is overrated. It does not automatically lead to action or doing anything differently tomorrow. Unless you make a commitment to take action and the more accountable you are publicly the greater the odds you harness the action potential of your Aha! moment and transfer it into action. Feel free to consider using the ACE approach to change:
1. Awareness: Notice your mood. Notice the mood of others. Label the feeling (without judgement is the key).
2. Choice: How do you like what you see in the mirror? If it’s what you want, keep going. If it’s not what you want, what choices do you have in the moment?
3. Execution: What is one small action you are willing to take in that moment? You don’t have to effect change on anything, just take action to make it different.
4. Repeat #1 What information did you gather? What choice do you want to make now? What action will you take next? Just like directions on shampoo, rinse, lather and repeat.
Accountability: What are you willing to do in the next 24 hours to recognize and change the effect you have on the people in your company? If you have the courage, feel free to post your commitment in the Comment box below. (If you are not quite that brave, feel free to email me directly. All responses are strictly confidential!).
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(Original post written for LeadChangeGroup Blog by Christina Haxton, MA LMFT)
“The Neuroscience of Leadership Stress: Myths & Solutions for Busy Professionals, Managers & Executives”
“What Your Brain Wishes You Knew About Leadership Stress & 5 Simple Solutions to Successfully Do More With Less & Have Fun Doing It!”
We all experience stress and to a certain degree need it to be motivated into action. Left unchecked, even low levels of chronic stress will not only reduce your ability to solve problems and make decisions, your stress will reduce your team’s productivity and engagement. Click here to listen to the webinar replay (available for a limited time only):
(Originally written and published for the LeadChange Blog)
Leaders: How are your people skills? The better question is “How would your team describe your people skills?” While you may be able to acknowledge this is an area you could use some improvement, setting “soft skill” goals may feel like trying to grab a handful of jello.
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If you were my client and I asked, “Do you have your goals to be a better leader (or communicator) clearly defined, written down and measurable?” I will probably hear your eyes roll into the back of their head. Perhaps you may have set goals in the past and not achieved lasting change. Not because you lacked understanding or even desire to change, but because of failure to follow Steps #2 and #3 of the change process. (Click here to read Step #1 and #2 and #3 in the previous post on Leadership, Frogs & Goals).
Understanding alone is overrated. We’ve all decided taking action is a good idea. But we are still sitting on the log. Change requires ACTION. Understanding or having the awareness of why your sarcastic tone is caustic , or why you should quit smoking, drinking too much is a necessary first step, after you announce your intention to change to others, you must now jump off the log.
The key to making lasting behavioral change is simple: small actions over a period of time result in SIGNIFICANT LONG TERM CHANGE. You’re not perfect; you are going to slip up. When you do, ACKNOWLEDGE IT OUT LOUD and MOVE FORWARD.
#1. Small change counts more than you think. While you may think you have a problem finishing something, I will propose you may actually have a STARTING problem instead. Here’s your challenge: Can you do anything for 5 minutes? Sure you can, so start there.
Here are a few idea starters: Walk, ride a bike, stretch, meditate, breathe, listen deeply, play with your kids, hang out with your partner with your cell phone off, plan a goal or project with paper and pencil, organize your desk. Try doing whatever “it” is for 5 minutes (because if you can’t do something for 5 minutes, trust me, you have bigger problems).
Make an appointment with yourself and put it in the calendar to do one or two times a week for the first week and build slowly. Exercise, quitting smoking, practice being a better listener all lend themselves to the “Do it for 5 minutes” strategy. Preparing your taxes is another. Yes, you have a few months, but what difference will it make if you start now with 5 minutes a week? April 14th might just be a more relaxing day! Like shampoo: Rinse, lather, repeat.
Then, repeat Step #1: Ask. Ask again by following up with the family, friends (and if you really want to be transparent include your staff) and ask “How am I doing?” Then LISTEN. Say “Thank you” in response to their answers. As Marshall Goldsmith says, we can’t go wrong if we respond with a genuine “Thank you” to any information, negative or positive, someone offers us.
Why should I ask again? Two reasons. Ask others with the intention of to simply gather information, as if you are on your own personal recognizance mission. Because you will use what you hear people say to accomplish two things:
#1. To adjust course. Like a pilot in an airplane getting feedback from the instrument panel who is flying from New York to Los Angeles, simply adjust what you are doing, a little to the left, a little to the right, toward your destination. Just view it as information, not right or wrong, good or bad, no big deal. Adjust course as needed.
#2. To build trust. Remember how I said this step is critical? Here’s why … by announcing publically your are human and are working on improving yourself and by following up and asking “How am I doing with ______?” and really listening to their response, you will build trust by showing you really care. That is as long as you do really care, because when you are genuine it is FELT. If you don’t really care, well, that’s palpable, too. If you really don’t care, don’t ask.
AAA: The key to becoming a Sustainable Leader and exceeding your personal development goals.
If you truly desire to be an exceptional leader of people, you will earn more trust by following up with this step exactly as written, than with anything else you ever have the guts to do, which is be human.
So if two frogs were sitting on a log, and you were one of the frogs, and you decide to jump off, what’s the answer now?
(originally posted at Lead Change Blog)
Whether you are a newly promoted manager, recently hired executive or have been in your position for some time, odds are if you are not ahead of the game, you may make one or more of these potentially costly mistakes:
What it looks like: You are the “new person on the block” and there is an unspoken awkwardness between you and your team. A sense of the “unknown” and maybe even some mistrust, depending on whose shoes your are filling and how he or she performed.
Our very social brains “circle” each other, feeling out the other person. Sounds creepy? No, it is normal for our mirror neurons to want to “see” the other person and attempt to predict what you are going to do or say next.
Yet, in this process and especially under stress (i.e., the unknown future), our brains often anticipate the worst case scenario, like “He’s too quiet … just like the last boss and we don’t know what he’s thinking … maybe he’s going to fire us all.” Or “She hasn’t asked us how we have been doing things well around here for years … she’s going to just do it her way no matter what we say.”
I have seen more senior leaders and CEO’s have two year old temper tantrums than my own children did at two. Why is this? My experience has been more senior executives get referred for performance coaching than mid-level managers due to their inability to manage their temper. Is it because top executives are unwilling (or unable?) to manage their emotions? Is it because they don’t see a need to do so and the stress builds up along the way until you explode? Or are managers more afraid of losing their opportunity for promotion if they show their frustration, and are therefore more proactive?
My guess: It is becoming increasingly difficult to manage the overwhelming responsibilities and variables inherent in the Top Dog position. Richard Boyatzis, author of Resonant Leadership and numerous research articles in area of Leadership Developement, describes “Power Stress” as a unique stress experienced by leaders who in addition to their everyday stress, feel additional responsiblity for the welfare and well being of others: employees, shareholders, etc. The cost of failing is higher, therefore the stress is higher. Stress results in dis-ease … put those two words together and you’ll get the wake up call physically in the form of high blood pressure, heart problems and other stress-related conditions.
Because of the mirror neurons described earlier, when you are come into the office with a scowl or bark at your staff or worse yet use sarcasm or criticism as a management weapon, because emotions are contagious, you’ve just infected everyone you come into contact with. Now your staff are “carriers” and spread the negativity like the flu to others, including your customers.
Have you ever noticed it’s easier to pay attention to what people do wrong than what they do right? This may be for several reasons. First, because our brains are hard-wired to notice the negative more readily and easily (especially under stressful conditions). Second, noticing the negative and ignoring the positive may have been learned. By this I mean your belief that your team doesn’t need recognition for doing their job, because that is what they are paid to do.
Research described in Amabile & Kramer’s book “The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins To Ignite Joy, Engagement, And Creativity At Work” demonstrates people NEED to recognize small progress and small wins. It truly is the little positive things that make a big difference in our internal world. Yet, ironically the small wins get overshadowed by the BIG screw ups (or even the little screw ups) we experience throughout the day both in our internal world or external environment. Small wins win BIG.
So focus on finding the small wins and acknowledging the progress we make is not a sign of weakness or patronizing … as long as it is genuinely felt and communicated.
What about the other mistakes not on this list? Yes, these are just the top three I’ve noticed recently with my coaching clients … what would you add to the list and more importantly what have you done to prevent or resolve the mistake?
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To become a trusted leader, communicate with compassion and try to connect personally with team members, writes Christina Haxton, who offers a three-step process for becoming a more empathetic leader. The first step is to reflect on your own personality to strengthen your emotional intelligence, she writes.
Read all three steps here:
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Leadership Doesn’t Rest on Your Title nytimes.com
Terri Ludwig, a Wall Street veteran who now leads a nonprofit organization, says that all employees can learn to influence its direction. Do you have what it takes to lead from your seat? Read more …
Who was your favorite boss, coach or teacher? Your tough situation that turned out to be your greatest inspiration? I’ll bet you could tell some stories … well, here’s mine from a recent post I wrote for Leaders at The LeadChange Group Blog:
Some of the most powerful leadership lessons I’ve experienced have not come from my high school swim coach, my first inspirational boss or any leadership guru at all. One of the first teachers of my most powerful lessons in what makes great leaders great weighed in at just over a thousand pounds, had four legs, a tail and really big teeth, which he never brushed.
His name was Banjo and he was a horse … of course, of course.
Early on, I struggled, often for hours, trying to get Banjo into the horse trailer so we could go somewhere, a trail ride, the vet or moving from California to Colorado. I would start out calmly, then as he got more stubborn, putting two front feet in then flying out backwards as fast as he could run, I would get frustrated, then angry and then … well, let’s just say I tried all the tricks in the book; coercion, threats, intimidation, pressure and yes, pain. Do these old-style management tactics sound familiar?
An old, scruffy, wise cowboy helped me see the writing in the dirt. After working with Banjo for just a few minutes, then loading him easily several times, he politely tipped his hat to me and said, “Excuse me ma’am. If I can say … what you have here is not a loading problem, it’s a leading problem.”
What you have here is not a loading problem, it’s a leading problem.
A brutal a blow to my “know it all” ego, but he was right. Horses are prey animals and herd animals, who follow trustworthy leaders instinctively. I was not a trustworthy leader in Banjo’s eyes. Being a predator, we were already at odds. Trailers are caves. What lives in caves? Bears, cougars and other predators who eat horses. I was an angry predator to Banjo, with unpredictable emotions and not an ounce of empathy to try to see the world through his eyes.
From that moment on, the lesson “You can judge the quality of your communication by the response you get” became crystal clear. It was my responsibility to take 100% ownership in the quality of my communication … and ask for a “do -over.”
Lucky for me horses are very forgiving creatures … and in my eyes, the most powerful teachers I could ever ask for.
Who have been your most unlikely, yet powerful teachers?[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]