Category Archives for trust

New Leaders: Got Power Stress?

3 Steps to LEVERAGE Power Stress for Leaders at All Levelsleverage stress

Did you know that 47% of newly hired or recently promoted Senior Executives get fired or quit within the first 18 months on the job? But I”m not a Senior Executive or “Leader” … you say.  Why would you let that stop you from learning from their mistakes?

Why? One reason is poor performance, another is burn up and burn out caused by the stress from the inability to get onboard with the “human side” of the success equation fast enough:  Connecting and building trust  with your new team!

Not just any stress is the culprit … Power Stress*, a unique type of stress experienced by those who are responsible for the well being of others – your team, your employees and possibly even your clients.

Unrecognized and unresolved stress Power Stress will paralyze your ability to think quickly and use your intuition to make the right decisions? Because stress is contagious, your team suffers, too … especially when you need then the most!

If you are a newly hired or recently promoted leader building trust with your new team is essential for success in your new role.

Beware … awareness is overrated!

If you don’t have an executable accountability plan for WHAT, WHEN & HOW TO you could find that the fall down the corporate ladder is much swifter than the climb up …

What if you had a 3 Step Approach to Leverage Power Stress so you can reduce, manage and yes, even leverage the inevitable people challenges that come with your new position …

If you don’t yet have an executable plan for making lasting change – make one.  To qualify for a complimentary, no obligation Leadership Strategy Session click here.

To Your Sustainable Leadership!

Christina

P.S. Now booking for 2014 for keynote or meeting presentations. Contact Christina to inquire about her most popular presentations or to book your event today:      3 Steps to Leverage Stress for Leadership Success!

*Power Stress or Leadership Stress was originally described by Dr. Richard Boyatzis, et. al in Resonant Leadership

 [sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]

Professional Intimacy: The Secret of Sustainable Leaders

3 Keys to Becoming a Leader Who Will Last for the Long Haul

cbl christinas quote

My first opportunity to consciously stand up for my professional and philosophical beliefs about Professional Intimacy occurred in 1994. In the last year of my Master’s program, my thesis involved research on the process of creating a successful business partnership.

Using Appreciative Inquiry, our process resulted in a model of a synergistic triangle consisting of three equally key ingredients, where 1 + 1 = 3 (I was never good at math, but this makes sense … read on):

  • An Understanding and appreciation of self, as in intra-personal or emotional intelligence;
  • An Understanding and appreciation of other, as in interpersonal or social intelligence;
  • The resulting relationship system then gets created and continually loops around, offering each person the opportunity to develop as individuals and therefore re-contribute, thus co-create, a dynamic, complex system that becomes the unique, dynamic business partnership.

Leave your feelings at the door

In the early 1990′s the unspoken, unwritten rule in the business world was “Don’t Talk About Relationships, feelings or any of the soft, fluffy stuff humans were made of when delivering leadership or management training or when speaking to  businesses, managers or executive leaders about improving productivity or performance. I was directed to leave that stuff at the door and talk about “real” skills.  Don’t feel … just get to work!

I followed this advice for a while and felt my hands (and credibility) were tied behind my back.

Then I ignoring that advice.  After 12 years in business, our design resulted in not only building our own successful business and partnership, but also served as a model for our clients to build sustainable partnerships.

Through the process of developing Professional Intimacy as defined in my thesis in 1994 and even to  this day, I continued to learn and grow both intra-personally and inter-personally as a result.

The truth is this:  We learn and grow in relationship, not in isolation. Following the old rule and disregarding the complex and dynamic relationship systems we create through all of our relationships, however brief, is ridiculous.

Here’s the point: My thesis was nominated for publication in the college journal … an honor, for sure.  However, the committee stated it would only be considered for publication only if I changed the title.

Professional Intimacy was born

They objected to the phrase I used to symbolize our design for a successful business partnership: Professional Intimacy.

Because sexual harassment in the workplace was such a touchy (pun intended) topic in the early 90′s, the committee frowned upon my use of the phrase in the title. I stood my ground on principle because even though the rule was “Don’t talk about RELATIONSHIPS and WORK in the same sentence.”  I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) in good conscience back down. Besides, I have a strong oppositional reflex.

I ran across the dusty, bound thesis years later and wondered …

“Did I do the right thing in standing up for my values?”

“Would my career path have changed had I decided to belly up?”

“Would I have been able to help more people sooner?”

I suppose I’ll never know… What would you have done?

PS.  Check out  Chapter 19: “Professional Intimacy:  The key to being a Sustainable Leader” in the book “The Character Based Leader: Instigating a leadership revolution one person at a time” on Amazon or your favorite bookseller.

 

[sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]

5 Simple Strategies to Turn Conflict Into Consensus for Senior Managers

If you are a newly hired or recently promoted senior manager …stick_figure_bullhorn_person_1600_wht - Copy

Congratulations on your new position!  Your climb to the top is well deserved.  But when the shine wears off, you soon may be faced with a HUGE problem for which you were not prepared:

OFFICE CONFLICT!

Your biggest challenge is not mastering the technical aspects of your job.  That’s the easy part.

The biggest challenge you (and one you may find you have the least control over which has the biggest impact on your success) is your team’s ability to work together with ease.

Because people bring their stress, negativity and sometimes difficult personalities to work, they can’t just leave their emotions at the door when they come to work.

And, you can’t do it either.  Emotions are contagious!

Here is Strategy #1:  How to turn conflict into consensus:

#1: Emotions are contagious! Literally. The human brain contains “mirror neurons” which are like antennae for emotion (e-motion = energy in motion).

Strategy #1: When you find the person you are talking to beginning to get “stressed out” (i.e., holding their breath, raising their voice, tensing their jaw or fists) ….

  • STOP!
  • Take a DEEP BREATH ….
  • RAISE YOUR EYEBROWS (both at the same time) and
  • ASK (with genuine CURIOSITY, because if you say it with sarcasm you’d better duck): “What did you hear me say that got that response?”

When you are truly listening to the other person and get a response you were not going for or are surprised about (their frustration, for example), use the steps above to “Check in and check it out…”  Then, listen again to their response (what they thought they heard you say will not be what you meant).  Don’t see this as your opportunity to get angry, just take a “re-do” and say, “Okay, you heard me say (blah blah blah), can I say it differently?”  Asking permission seldom gets a “no” so you will likely get a “yes.”  Then rephrase your statement and move forward.

What is your best advice to new senior managers when it comes to turning conflict into consensus?

Your ability to address, manage and eliminate conflict will have a direct impact on your team’s ability to have confidence and to put their unquestioned trust you and your leadership skills.

NEWSFLASH:  Your team makes this decision within your first few days (or hours) on the job.  Everyone’s watching to see if you fall back down the corporate ladder.F fail grade

And a few might even be taking bets on how long you last … You need these skills.

Now.

For Strategies #2 – 5, check out a brand new audio program:

5 Simple Strategies to Turn Conflict Into Consensus

Click the link below for more information (and the first 20 fast action takers get extra bonuses and audios!)

http://sustainable-leaders.com/conflict-to-consensus-audio/

To Your Sustainable Leadership!

Christina

PS.  Post your comments and best advice below for newly hired or recently promoted senior managers who are experiencing an undercurrent of conflict in their new team

[sharebox5_no_border] [/sharebox5_no_border]

Bad Boss or Best Boss: How will your employees remember you?

I recently asked a group of CEOs if they could remember their worst boss … female mad boss

It was interesting to see the negative, almost painful in some cases, visceral reaction so many people had when remembering their worst boss.

Even though their bad boss experience happened many, many years ago, the memory was carved in stone.
When asked to remember their best boss, it was hard to miss the peaceful, almost inspirational look on their face.
Then I asked what their best and worst bosses did that earned them the title … I’m sure you can imagine the answers when they described the rude, sometimes aggressive, unfair, uncaring, disrespectful and distrusting behaviors and attitudes they could still feel even today.
Here’s the Aha! moment … the best bosses had the ability to show they cared for their people.  Best bosses offered authentic trust to their team.  Best bosses really listened …
And more.   Best bosses did these things in just a few moments … they conveyed caring and trust which made them memorable and worthy of being leaders these CEOs were aspiring to be more like …
If only it was that easy, I heard them say.
Well, it can be that easy and yes, you can be that effective.
You can be that Best Boss for someone else!
How?  Using the most effective strategies, tools and executive coaching support.
Get the psychological edge with a self-guided program with information and personal coaching from yours truly.
I’ve put together a special “thank you” gift just for your support of Sustainable Leadership and it’s only available for a limited time … click here for your tools to become the “Best Boss”
Thank you for spreading the word and the work and instigating a leadership revolution at the intersection of brain science, emotional intelligence and leadership excellence.
To Your Sustainable Leadership!
Christina
(PS. Please forward this email to a friend, colleague or if you really have the guts, a BAD BOSS!)
[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]

Leaders: Would your team say you lead, manage, are just in charge (or none of the above)?

You know them: the managers who ignore the fact that human beings don’t (actually can’t) “leave their feelings at the door” when they come to work.

These managers ignore conflict and avoid confrontation, especially when there’s a “pot-stirrer” in the office and everyone is just wishing the boss would step up and put and end to he drama  so we can all just get the job done.

This boss will suffer the consequences: a slow, painful erosion of the trust … or worse.

Read the rest of  my article over here: Leaders: Do you lead, manage or are you just in charge?

 

 

 

[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]

 

 

Leaders: Do you have the courage to jump?

(Originally written and published for the LeadChange Blog)

Leaders: How are your people skills?  The better question is “How would your team describe your people skills?”  While you may be able to acknowledge this is an area you could use some improvement, setting “soft skill” goals may feel like trying to grab a handful of jello.

[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]

If you were my client and I asked, “Do you have your goals to be a better leader (or communicator) clearly defined, written down and measurable?” I will probably hear your eyes roll into the back of their head. Perhaps you may have set goals in the past and not achieved lasting change. Not because you lacked understanding or even desire to change, but because of failure to follow Steps #2 and #3 of the change process. (Click here to read Step #1 and #2 and #3 in the previous post on Leadership, Frogs & Goals).

Change is simple, but not always easy, unless you follow all three steps. And repeat.

Step #3: ACT

Understanding alone is overrated. We’ve all decided taking action is a good idea. But we are still sitting on the log. Change requires ACTION. Understanding or having the awareness of why your sarcastic tone is caustic , or why you should quit smoking, drinking too much is a necessary first step, after you announce your intention to change to others, you must now jump off the log.

The key to making lasting behavioral change is simple: small actions over a period of time result in SIGNIFICANT LONG TERM CHANGE. You’re not perfect; you are going to slip up. When you do, ACKNOWLEDGE IT OUT LOUD and MOVE FORWARD.

Here’s how:

#1. Small change counts more than you think. While you may think you have a problem finishing something, I will propose you may actually have a STARTING problem instead. Here’s your challenge: Can you do anything for 5 minutes? Sure you can, so start there.

Here are a few idea starters: Walk, ride a bike, stretch, meditate, breathe, listen deeply, play with your kids, hang out with your partner with your cell phone off, plan a goal or project with paper and pencil, organize your desk. Try doing whatever “it” is for 5 minutes (because if you can’t do something for 5 minutes, trust me, you have bigger problems).

Make an appointment with yourself and put it in the calendar to do one or two times a week for the first week and build slowly. Exercise, quitting smoking, practice being a better listener all lend themselves to the “Do it for 5 minutes” strategy. Preparing your taxes is another. Yes, you have a few months, but what difference will it make if you start now with 5 minutes a week? April 14th might just be a more relaxing day! Like shampoo: Rinse, lather, repeat.

Then, repeat Step #1: Ask. Ask again by following up with the family, friends (and if you really want to be transparent include your staff) and ask “How am I doing?” Then LISTEN. Say “Thank you” in response to their answers. As Marshall Goldsmith says, we can’t go wrong if we respond with a genuine “Thank you” to any information, negative or positive, someone offers us.

Why should I ask again? Two reasons. Ask others with the intention of to simply gather information, as if you are on your own personal recognizance mission. Because you will use what you hear people say to accomplish two things:

#1. To adjust course. Like a pilot in an airplane getting feedback from the instrument panel who is flying from New York to Los Angeles, simply adjust what you are doing, a little to the left, a little to the right, toward your destination. Just view it as information, not right or wrong, good or bad, no big deal. Adjust course as needed.

#2. To build trust. Remember how I said this step is critical? Here’s why … by announcing publically your are human and are working on improving yourself and by following up and asking “How am I doing with ______?” and really listening to their response, you will build trust by showing you really care. That is as long as you do really care, because when you are genuine it is FELT. If you don’t really care, well, that’s palpable, too. If you really don’t care, don’t ask.

AAA: The key to becoming a Sustainable Leader and exceeding your personal development goals.

If you truly desire to be an exceptional leader of people, you will earn more trust by following up with this step exactly as written, than with anything else you ever have the guts to do, which is be human.

So if two frogs were sitting on a log, and you were one of the frogs, and you decide to jump off, what’s the answer now?

The Top 3 Mistakes New Managers & Leaders Make (and How to Avoid Them)

(originally posted at Lead Change Blog)

Whether you are a newly promoted manager, recently hired executive or have been in your position for some time, odds are if you are not ahead of the game, you may make one or more of these potentially costly mistakes:

Mistake #1: Ignoring the obvious

What it looks like: You are the “new person on the block” and there is an unspoken awkwardness between you and your team. A sense of the “unknown” and maybe even some mistrust, depending on whose shoes your are filling and how he or she performed.

Our very social brains “circle” each other, feeling out the other person. Sounds creepy? No, it is normal for our mirror neurons to want to “see” the other person and attempt to predict what you are going to do or say next.

Yet, in this process and especially under stress (i.e., the unknown future), our brains often anticipate the worst case scenario, like “He’s too quiet … just like the last boss and we don’t know what he’s thinking … maybe he’s going to fire us all.” Or “She hasn’t asked us how we have been doing things well around here for years … she’s going to just do it her way no matter what we say.”

Mistake #2: Failing to manage your emotions

I have seen more senior leaders and CEO’s have two year old temper tantrums than my own children did at two. Why is this? My experience has been more senior executives get referred for performance coaching than mid-level managers due to their inability to manage their temper. Is it because top executives are unwilling (or unable?) to manage their emotions? Is it because they don’t see a need to do so and the stress builds up along the way until you explode? Or are managers more afraid of losing their opportunity for promotion if they show their frustration, and are therefore more proactive?

My guess:  It is becoming increasingly difficult to manage the overwhelming responsibilities and variables inherent in the Top Dog position.  Richard Boyatzis, author of Resonant Leadership and numerous research articles in area of Leadership Developement, describes “Power Stress” as a unique stress experienced by leaders who in addition to their everyday stress, feel additional responsiblity for the welfare and well being of others: employees, shareholders, etc. The cost of failing is higher, therefore the stress is higher. Stress results in dis-ease … put those two words together and you’ll get the wake up call physically in the form of high blood pressure, heart problems and other stress-related conditions.

Because of the mirror neurons described earlier, when you are come into the office with a scowl or bark at your staff or worse yet use sarcasm or criticism as a management weapon, because emotions are contagious, you’ve just infected everyone you come into contact with. Now your staff are “carriers” and spread the negativity like the flu to others, including your customers.

Mistake #3: Refusing to acknowledge small wins by your team

Have you ever noticed it’s easier to pay attention to what people do wrong than what they do right? This may be for several reasons. First, because our brains are hard-wired to notice the negative more readily and easily (especially under stressful conditions). Second, noticing the negative and ignoring the positive may have been learned. By this I mean your belief that your team doesn’t need recognition for doing their job, because that is what they are paid to do.

Research described in Amabile & Kramer’s book “The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins To Ignite Joy, Engagement, And Creativity At Work” demonstrates people NEED to recognize small progress and small wins. It truly is the little positive things that make a big difference in our internal world. Yet, ironically the small wins get overshadowed by the BIG screw ups (or even the little screw ups) we experience throughout the day both in our internal world or external environment.  Small wins win BIG.

So focus on finding the small wins and acknowledging the progress we make is not a sign of weakness or patronizing … as long as it is genuinely felt and communicated.

What about the other mistakes not on this list? Yes, these are just the top three I’ve noticed recently with my coaching clients … what would you add to the list and more importantly what have you done to prevent or resolve the mistake?

 

[sharebox4 sharetext=”Share This Page”] [/sharebox4]