Category Archives for value based leadership

Professional Intimacy: The Secret of Sustainable Leaders

3 Keys to Becoming a Leader Who Will Last for the Long Haul

cbl christinas quote

My first opportunity to consciously stand up for my professional and philosophical beliefs about Professional Intimacy occurred in 1994. In the last year of my Master’s program, my thesis involved research on the process of creating a successful business partnership.

Using Appreciative Inquiry, our process resulted in a model of a synergistic triangle consisting of three equally key ingredients, where 1 + 1 = 3 (I was never good at math, but this makes sense … read on):

  • An Understanding and appreciation of self, as in intra-personal or emotional intelligence;
  • An Understanding and appreciation of other, as in interpersonal or social intelligence;
  • The resulting relationship system then gets created and continually loops around, offering each person the opportunity to develop as individuals and therefore re-contribute, thus co-create, a dynamic, complex system that becomes the unique, dynamic business partnership.

Leave your feelings at the door

In the early 1990′s the unspoken, unwritten rule in the business world was “Don’t Talk About Relationships, feelings or any of the soft, fluffy stuff humans were made of when delivering leadership or management training or when speaking to  businesses, managers or executive leaders about improving productivity or performance. I was directed to leave that stuff at the door and talk about “real” skills.  Don’t feel … just get to work!

I followed this advice for a while and felt my hands (and credibility) were tied behind my back.

Then I ignoring that advice.  After 12 years in business, our design resulted in not only building our own successful business and partnership, but also served as a model for our clients to build sustainable partnerships.

Through the process of developing Professional Intimacy as defined in my thesis in 1994 and even to  this day, I continued to learn and grow both intra-personally and inter-personally as a result.

The truth is this:  We learn and grow in relationship, not in isolation. Following the old rule and disregarding the complex and dynamic relationship systems we create through all of our relationships, however brief, is ridiculous.

Here’s the point: My thesis was nominated for publication in the college journal … an honor, for sure.  However, the committee stated it would only be considered for publication only if I changed the title.

Professional Intimacy was born

They objected to the phrase I used to symbolize our design for a successful business partnership: Professional Intimacy.

Because sexual harassment in the workplace was such a touchy (pun intended) topic in the early 90′s, the committee frowned upon my use of the phrase in the title. I stood my ground on principle because even though the rule was “Don’t talk about RELATIONSHIPS and WORK in the same sentence.”  I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) in good conscience back down. Besides, I have a strong oppositional reflex.

I ran across the dusty, bound thesis years later and wondered …

“Did I do the right thing in standing up for my values?”

“Would my career path have changed had I decided to belly up?”

“Would I have been able to help more people sooner?”

I suppose I’ll never know… What would you have done?

PS.  Check out  Chapter 19: “Professional Intimacy:  The key to being a Sustainable Leader” in the book “The Character Based Leader: Instigating a leadership revolution one person at a time” on Amazon or your favorite bookseller.

 

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Are you a procrastinator?

What do you do instead of what you are supposed to?

Top 10 Things You’re Probably Doing Instead of What You are Supposed to be Doing:

  1. Eating
  2. Checking your email every 3 minutes
  3. Looking for inspiration from others’ work
  4. Reading just another article about “how to do …”
  5. Checking LinkedIn for who’s viewed your profile
  6. Saying TY for RT’s to all of the Twitter Followers in the past 3 days
  7. Looking on Facebook for people you went to high school with you never really cared about anyway
  8. Cleaning your house
  9. Watching the news
  10. Editing the promotional page for your upcoming program for the 7th time today

I have a confession.  With the transparency and humility of a character-based leader (Dan Rockwell, Max Brown and Chad Balthrop – my esteemed co-authors writing about “humility” will appreciate this) but most of all because I am also one of the co-authors of The Character-Based Leader I have to walk my talk:   I JUST finished delivering a presentation to HR Professionals at the HR.com Leadership Conference on how stress negatively affects productivity and teamwork.

AND I am guilty of doing all of those 10 Things instead of what I should be doing at one time or another.  In fact, it happens much too often.  Maybe I should re-title this:  The Top 10 Things I Do Instead of What I Am Supposed to be Doing.  At least then I could add Personal Integrity to my list, too.

I could take this a step farther and feel guilty or ashamed about being so imperfect – and we could take it one step beyond that and say I’m a hypocrite.

Yet I choose not to … I choose instead to offer my humanness up to you as an opportunity to learn and grow, for myself and for you, too … (read more here –  LeadChangeBlog.com)

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Will you join me in instigating a leadership revolution?

What if you could have the advice of 21 leadership experts at your disposal?

And what if all that knowledge was made available around your busy schedule and could be digested at your pace?

Well, now you can …

I’m excited to be a co-author and announce the upcoming publication of:

The Character Based Leader: Instigating a leadership revolution one person at a time

What are the new rules of leadership development today?

Go ahead and throw out the long list of “leadership competencies” espoused by the company or the latest leadership self-help book.  Successful leaders are character based leaders.  The new (old) rules to become an extraordinary leader who is respected and trusted is when you operate from your values, your character and develop others to do the same, THAT will be your foundation from which your leadership success is based.  ~ Christina Haxton, MA LMFT, co-author The Character-Based Leader

Get your free chapter here or sign up in the box on the lower right of this page:

http://www.teambuzzbuilder.com/ourauthors/the-character-based-leader/

 

Enjoy & Share!

Christina Haxton, Leadership Speaker, Author & Consultant

 

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Do you have the guts to walk the leadership tightrope?

The Tightrope of Leadership

As leaders and change-agents, we walk a daily tight-rope between how we “should” do things because that’s how they’ve always been done … which may be contrary to what believe matters today and tomorrow. Leadership is no different.

To be a true leader, we must walk this tightrope in our daily actions.  While most people would not want to be in our leadership shoes for fear of ridicule, being ostracized or publicly called out … they secretly and silently cheer us on.  One day you are a hero … the next day you are a zero.  Read more here on Walking the Tightrope of Leadership …on the LeadChange Group Blog to see if you have the guts (or not).

Enjoy and leave your comments below!

Christina

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One famous cowboy’s secret to success in life and business …

“Community happens when people serve selflessly to achieve a common purpose, neither for

Out West Leadership

duty nor cause, but because they truly love and care about the people they are serving with. When this transformation happens they will do, with joy, tasks that would otherwise be perceived as burdensome or even impossible.”

In the 90′s movie “City Slickers” the cowboy character, Curly, shares with Billy Crystal the secret to life (and business)…“ONE THING”.

Do you know your “one thing”? Does your organization have a “one thing”? Is there a word or idea that is at the center of everything you do…can you name it? Can the people in the organization name it? One of my favorite sayings is that unless you have a bigger “YES” it’s hard to say “NO” to the things that don’t really matter. Often times your “One Thing” provides that bigger “Yes”.

Click here to read the rest of Scott Mabry’s post on “Out West Leadership …” (and my response)

 

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Leaders: Do you have what it takes to lead from your seat?

Leadership Doesn’t Rest on Your Title nytimes.com

Terri Ludwig, a Wall Street veteran who now leads a nonprofit organization, says that all employees can learn to influence its direction. Do you have what it takes to lead from your seat? Read more …